Fortune tellers read your face instead of your palm.
People call you “spry” and you’re not offended.
You know your way around but you don’t want to go anywhere.
The candles on your cake set off the sprinkler system.
Your favorite classic rock is now elevator music.
You wonder why the TV remote isn’t working, then realize it’s a cordless phone.
Your childhood toys sell for a fortune on eBay.
Not wearing a bra tugs the wrinkles right out of your face.
You can never totally, completely trust a fart.